The first recorded evidence of marriage ceremonies dates from about 2350 BC in Mesopotamia*. I doubt back then there was much of a difference between a celebrant led wedding and a registrar led one. What is a wedding really? It is an exclamation of love between two individuals. It is an intention to spend the rest of your lives together and to promise to choose each other over all others every day until the end.
Now I could ramble on about how your wedding is an event that symbolises the start of your lives together. Well forgive me for thinking that the whole idea is an outdated concept! ‘Strange thing for a Celebrant to admit to’ I hear you think! Bear with me!! Do your lives together really start on the day of your wedding when you have already been together awhile? Of course not. Are people who have lived, and loved, together for years but who decide not to get married any less committed to each other and their families? Of course not.
It is the relationship that is the priority and the most important thing above all else, whether you decide every day to commit to each other, or you choose to label the relationship as a marriage, it is the love that matters.
Now that being said, I am in no way trying to talk you out of a party! I absolutely love weddings. I wouldn’t be in this business if I didn’t. There is something magical about standing before family and friends, or indeed standing alone together, and declaring out loud the love you have for each other and the promise to carry that love forward into your future. It is an opportunity to wear nicer clothes, invite family and friends (or not!) and celebrate the relationship that has led you both to this point.
This is where we come in. A celebrant led wedding is unique to you. It means you can get married pretty much any time, anywhere. You can involve children, friends and families in readings or poems, have symbolic rituals, provide a timeline of your relationship through mime or break into a rap battle, whatever you want. You are limited only by your imagination and any relevant privacy and trespassing laws of course! It can be as formal or as informal as you like.
Imagine the photographs you will be looking at in five or ten or 30 years time. What does the scenery look like? What does the weather look like? What do the faces of your guests portray? What wonderful memories do these photographs bring into your mind and into your heart? That is something to think of when planning your day.
At the moment, the current laws in England mean that all couples must give notice at a registry office before having a legal service performed by a religious leader or a civil registrar. For Civil Ceremonies there are a limited number of licensed premises where services can take place. Registrars are employed by the council and have an official script that must be read in front of at least two suitable witnesses in pre-authorised venues. Some people choose this to be their wedding ceremony.
Don’t get me wrong, you can have a celebrant ceremony and choose not to be legally married. That suits some people who want a party to celebrate the promises they made but don’t want to go down the legal route. But for those who want to be legally married then you must do both.
“But that sounds like such a faff and I’ll be so nervous. Why would I want to do the whole thing twice, Sadhbh?” I hear you! Rest assured it’s honestly not as bad as you think. Consider it like getting a ‘marriage licence’. It’s like any licence, you’re both asked to reply to a few legal statements you already know the answers to, and when you get that bit of paper the world is your oyster. The Brides and Grooms we know who have had a Celebrant led wedding after having a civil service at a registry office said it actually made them feel more at ease to just enjoy their wedding day as the formalities were done, they didn’t have to worry about messing up the words and pressure was off. None of them had any regrets and were thrilled to have had a unique and personal ceremony.
Then comes the question, which date do you use as your anniversary? Forgive me, but who cares?! That is personal to you. Some choose the legal day, most choose the day they publicly declared their love and commitment at their celebrant led ceremony. If you ask me I would have two anniversaries!! If you think about it, how many times has anyone been asked the date of their wedding? There are exceptionally few instances when you have to report your anniversary anywhere.
So, what do we, as celebrants, do for you? We are your voice to help you tell your wonderful love story up until the moment of your wedding through a uniquely personal ceremony script that enables you to have bespoke, not standard, declarations and vows. You control the narrative of your ceremony, in the location of your choice. Got your heart set on certain poems, readings and/or music? No problem, we can weave those, and any other original elements you want, into your dream day. Creating something so wonderfully personal to you both is why we love what we do.
If you have any questions send us an email at kerensaceremonies@gmail.com and you’ll find the link to our website here where you can find out more under ‘Useful Information’.
*Theweek.com The Origins of Marriage.
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